Stuck in a Cycle of Overthinking? A Wakefield Therapist Can Help You Break Free and Find Clarity
If overthinking is getting in your way, therapy in Wakefield can help!
Overthinking Everything? You Are Not Alone.
Do you often find yourself replaying conversations from earlier in the day when you are trying to fall asleep at night? Or perhaps replaying conversations from ten years ago? Are you often second-guessing your decisions, despite spending hours or days agonizing over them? Are you often caught in a spiral of constantly considering the worst-case scenario of any situation in which you might find yourself? You may be caught in cycles of overthinking.
Overthinking commonly shows up in these ways and while it is a very common worry pattern, it can really get in the way of a satisfying life. Imagine if all that energy spent overthinking was spent enjoying your life? What if it was spent connecting with others or deeply engaging in activities you enjoy? What a relief it would be! Instead, for many people, overthinking shows up as a maladaptive way of coping with situations that feel out of control, when feeling stressed or sometimes, simply out of habit. Overthinking can almost become a way of life, so many people don’t even realize they are doing it when it happens, as it has simply become second nature to do so.
The Cost of Constant Overthinking
Overthinking can feel protective, catching you in a trap of believing that if you just thought more, thought harder, thought more creatively, thought more thoroughly or thought more intently that you would be able to control an outcome and be safe from things not going the way you want them to. That is generally a thinking trap though, as overthinking is rarely protective.
Instead, chronic overthinking is likely to erode your self-esteem, your independent decision-making capacity, interfere in relationships and thwart your goals overall. It can start small and sneaky but interfere with your goals more and more over time. Examples include:
Interfering with Sleep: While a restless night here and there is not too much cause for concern, chronic oversleeping can lead to significant difficulties falling asleep at night, or with falling back asleep if you wake overnight. Over time, this can lead to fatigue and drowsiness during the day, which certainly doesn’t help you feel at your best emotionally. Additionally, by regularly engaging in overthinking before falling asleep your body learns this as a pattern to get ready for bed, so then even on nights where you wouldn’t otherwise be bothered emotionally, your body and brain will struggle to fall asleep at the desired time. The last thing any of us in modern society need is anything more to interfere with sleep.
Work or School Performance: Overthinking can show up in a variety of ways in professional and academic settings, often as delays in decision-making, delays in taking initiative, less assertive energy in presenting your ideas and more. What might initially appear as diligence and attentiveness can then lead to missing deadlines, incomplete work and lagging performance because so much mental energy is caught in overthinking instead of directed thoughts and actions.
Relationships: You may lean on others excessively for reassurance or for help making decisions and this may lead a relationship to feel imbalanced. Others may become frustrated if you are unable to make plans due to being caught in overthinking or if you focus on one topic in conversation over and over without leaving room for more input. It can be very accidental, as most people prone to overthinking care deeply about their relationships, yet the overthinking can undermine the flexibility needed for deep and lasting connectedness.
Self-esteem and confidence: While I don’t usually like to speak about confidence in a wide brush stroke, it is appropriate here because overthinking can undermine confidence in a very general way. When you get in a pattern of struggling with decision-making, it can be hard to see yourself as assured and capable. When you are stuck revisiting past actions and words, it is hard to see yourself as adept and secure. And this shift in self-image can further feed the overthinking and lead to more negative thoughts about yourself, such as that you are incapable, dependent, uncertain or more.
Often when people address overthinking in therapy they are feeling demoralized by the process, physically tired from it, and yet stuck because they can’t get out of the cycle. They have lost sight of what thoughtfulness even feels like and struggle to imagine feeling secure without overthinking.
How To Tell the Difference Between Overthinking and Thoughtfulness
If you have been stuck in a cycle of overthinking for a long time, it can be hard to remember what it feels like to simply think. How do you capture thinking without it becoming overthinking? I like to think of the alternative to overthinking as “thoughtfulness,” rather than "regular thinking,” as it implies a deeper connection and intention, which is what most of us want.
So what does thoughtfulness feel like and how do we tell the difference between it and overthinking? Here are some tips:
Difference in energy: Overthinking tends to feel either frantic or monotonous. Even if there is movement, it doesn’t really feel like it’s going anywhere. Thoughtfulness, on the other hand, feels more directed in its energy. It has a more linear progression and builds on itself. It is often accompanied by calmness and clarity rather than insecurity and desperation.
Differences in clarity: Overthinking usually leaves people just as confused as when they started, or even more confused. Thoughtfulness tends to leave people with more perspective and a more clear sense of what they want next.
Differences physically: Overthinking is likely to lead to stress sensations as described above. Your heart rate may be elevated, you are likely to feel highly alert and on edge and physically restless or antsy. Thoughtfulness is likely to lead to more physical calmness, in a way that allows physical sensations to be essentially ignored because they are so nondescript and ordinary.
Differences in how you talk to yourself: Overthinking is likely to have subtle, side ways of talking to you harshly, leading to thoughts such as “I can’t believe I did that…why can’t I figure this out…what if…how can I?” Overthinking usually evokes a lot of self-doubt. Thoughtfulness is usually kinder and gentler to you, talking to you in a voice saying things more like, “I think this might work…it’s at least worth a try…at least I know I tried…I’ll see how this goes…aha!” Overall, thoughtfulness is likely to evoke more neutral or positive feelings about yourself.
Learning to tell the difference between overthinking and thoughtfulness is an important first step. Not only does it help you catch when you are stuck in overthinking, but it helps you define the alternative. By recognizing when you are in thoughtfulness, you can positively reinforce this way of thinking and that makes it easier to access in the future.
Why You Can’t “Just Stop Overthinking”
I have been there too…wishing I could just “snap out of it” or “stop it.” Many people who come to me seeking help for overthinking also wish they could “just stop it” or have even had others tell them too. If it was that easy, you would have done so a long time ago! It can feel really frustrating to not be able to stop the cycle on your own, and that itself can worsen the overthinking as you try to tighten your control on the process. You are not alone though, it is hard to change these patterns. The good news is that it is also possible!
Overthinking usually has its roots in general anxiety and/or avoidance. Your mind sees it as a way to resolve uncomfortable feelings, commonly including:
Shame
Helplessness
Foolishness/stupidity
Exclusion
Incapability
Disappointment
Regret/remorse
Guilt
Who wouldn’t want to avoid these feelings? I know I don’t love when they show up for me! The reality is that we will feel these things sometimes, whether we like it or not, and learning to feel more comfortable with them can be extremely helpful to reducing overthinking cycles.
For example, I had someone recently meet with me with concerns about whether or not to plan to leave her job and start a job search. A big decision like this is definitely worthy of a lot of care and planning, but she wanted thoughtfulness to guide her and instead, she was being overcome by overthinking. She was constantly running the pros and cons and imagining each scenario without being able to draw any conclusions. Her social support system seemed to be growing weary of her indecision and associated worry. She was frustrated she couldn’t seem to get out of her own way to make a decision. Through therapy, we were able to identify that she was scared to make a mistake and was scared of the judgement her coworkers might have toward her for leaving her job. She was also worried about being unable to perform as well in a new job setting, as it had been a long time since she started a new job. By addressing these worries directly and building her sense of her abilities to handle challenging outcomes, she was able to pretty quickly recognize how she wanted to proceed and she moved forward with much more assuredness.
Getting to the root of what overthinking is trying to solve is so important, but it is not easy. It can be really, really hard to get through the muck in your mind and figure out what the overthinking is trying to solve. Working with a therapist can be extremely helpful to getting perspective and clarity on this, allowing you to move into the desired thoughtfulness.
How a Therapist in Wakefield Can Help You Break the Cycle of Overthinking
In therapy, you can start to understand how your overthinking is trying to help you, so that you feel more compassionate to yourself for getting stuck in its cycle. Then, you can learn about what your mind might be trying to avoid by overthinking patterns, whether that be specific outcomes or feelings. Then, you can work on building your comfort with those feelings or finding different ways to approach them, in order to move forward in the way that you want.
With me, therapy might help you learn ways to regulate the physical sensations associated with overthinking and importantly, recover your sleep if you have found yourself losing sleep to overthinking and having trouble falling asleep efficiently. We will generally explore helpful and unhelpful ways that your mind is working and try to build in the more helpful ones. All of this is done with significant compassion and at a pace that is helpful for you.
Importantly, therapy is not about trying to fix how you think. It is about respecting the way that you are thinking and why you are doing it, and simply moving to more helpful ways of reaching your goals.
You Don’t Have to Overthink Therapy, Too — Here’s What to Expect
As noted above, therapy will go at your pace, yet with a nudge to move right at the edge of your comfort zone in order to ensure you are moving forward with your goals. In therapy, you get to communicate where you feel stuck with your therapist and get feedback on dynamics you may not have considered. You might learn to recognize your personal signs of overthinking and know where you are most vulnerable to this thinking trap. In time, you are likely to emerge with more trust in your decisions, more emotional calmness and importantly, better sleep!
If overthinking is taking over your mind (and your peace), therapy can help you break the cycle
Whether you are fed up with overthinking, exhausted from staying up at night running through past conversations or just craving more peace in your life, I am here to help. You do not have to keep pushing through on your own and there are real solutions that can provide you with lasting relief.
As a therapist in Wakefield, I support young adults and adults who feel overwhelmed, stuck in their heads, and ready for change. Together, we’ll explore what’s keeping you in that mental loop - and help you find more clarity, decisiveness, and calmness.
I offer in-person therapy in Wakefield and online sessions throughout Massachusetts, Vermont, and Connecticut. Let’s work together to help you feel more calm, present and fulfilled.