When Feeling “Fine” Isn’t Enough: How Therapy in Wakefield, MA Can Help You Thrive
Why “Fine” Isn’t Enough
You want to feel better than “fine.” Contact a therapist in Wakefield for help
I always joke that “fine” is the other four-letter word beginning in “f.” It can be a red flag, a warning, an ominous indicator of something large and unpleasant brewing. Or in a more mild moment, it can be more okay, yet clearly still not great. Mediocre. Not bad, though maybe not necessarily good.
Is fine a lot better than miserable? Absolutely! There are times where it is natural to yearn for the simplicity of “fine,” which would be a relief. Yet on an ongoing basis, we can do better than “fine.” You deserve to do better than “fine.”
While is important to honor the progress and safety that might be found with “fine,” the buffer it might provide from feeling like you are rocking the boat or that you are being greedy and self-serving, it is okay to want more from your life.
Imagine if the next time you reflected on how you have been doing lately, your first thought was that you were genuinely feeling good, feeling really satisfied, or feeling really eager and excited about something? Imagine if you felt like your work was really fulfilling? Or feeling like your family life was tiring perhaps, yet deeply fulfilling? Imagine feeling like your had genuine fun in your free time and that you were deeply content in your relationships? Imagine someone casually asking how your weekend was and being able to say wholeheartedly, “I had a lot of fun,” or “I really got to unwind, it was so refreshing” or even “I don’t know where the time went, but I know I really liked it.”
Starting therapy in Wakefield can help you go beyond feeling “fine” and create a deeply meaningful and satisfied life that leaves you feeling much better.
What Does “Fine” Really Mean?
In my experience, when myself or others describe feeling “fine,” we mean something kind of ambivalent. A sort of “I can’t complain” response, because nothing is overtly wrong or bad, yet there isn’t really much to celebrate either. I have always spent a lot of time in the Montreal area, and this sentiment always reminds me of “Ça va? Ça va.” Essentially, “How’s it going? It’s going.”
Now this can sometimes be a simple shorthand for saying that things are well enough and you don’t really want to talk about it more with that person. And that is perfectly okay! Yet when your honest feeling is that things are more “meh” than good, there is probably something working working on for yourself.
The “meh” or “blah” feeling associated with feeling “fine” might be masking some serious discomfort, anxiety or fear. It might be a way of coping with feelings that are otherwise overwhelming. “Fine” might be a way to get through the day. Yet eventually, I want you to do more than get through the day, I want you to enjoy the day! Therapy can help bridge the gap between surviving and going through the motions and into feeling deeper feelings.
The Impact of Settling for “Fine”
By settling with things being “fine” in life, we certainly might protect ourselves from a lot. We might reduce our risk of relationship disruption, our risk of disappointment or our risk of perceived failure. Yet we also lock ourselves out of a lot of opportunities. What if we were able to connect deeply with someone? To achieve a goal? To find success with something meaningful? These joys simply can’t be replicated by settling for “fine.”
This is not to say that everyone needs a ton of goal-oriented ambition. Instead, it means having the respect for yourself not to settle for emotional burnout, not to allow your potential to go unfulfilled and not settling for boredom to define your life.
I remember working with a young individual who had a major life disruption earlier in college which really disrupted their college trajectory and it took a lot of emotional work to get back to where they wanted to be academically. This individual’s parents had been very supportive and always guided them toward the colleges they thought would best meet their needs while they were recovering and trying to move forward. Yet the individual I worked with was never super keen on the schools. There was nothing wrong though, so they felt like they couldn’t transfer. Things were “fine” as they were. Yet at one point, the individual was able to connect to their true interests and found a college of their own they wanted to attend. While it wasn’t a perfect road, this college experience provided a profound opportunity for them to have more independence and autonomy and really take a huge step toward a life more in line with their own wishes. I was so happy to see them not settle for a college that was “fine” and instead, find a school that was a much better fit.
Therapy can help cut through the anxiety of getting hopeful, through the depression that can get in the way and through assumptions about life that can hinder us and lead to to settle for “fine”. Therapy can really help opportunities seem more possible and help people move toward more, while still feeling comfortable with the process.
The Power of Self-Discovery: Going Beyond the Surface
Most people have a general sense of their likes and dislikes…if they prefer lakes or the ocean, if their idea of fun is a concert or a book at home, but not everyone can really understand what they crave on a daily basis and what holds them back from pursuing it. Having this greater self-awareness can help you have more direction, make decisions more easily and understand why you feel the way you do in any circumstance. Why does that matter? Feeling genuine feelings feels a lot better than feeling “fine,” even if those feelings are up and down.
Where does this self-discovery come from though? Unfortunately, we are not given a book about ourselves that magically rewrites itself every few months throughout our lives, so we need to do the research and reflection to essentially write it ourselves. The awareness starts with a willingness to look. Yes, willingness is incredibly important because we need to be open to anything we might find, even if it makes us uncomfortable. I have had times where reflection has led to really unpleasant recognition of places where things against my values were clearly more important to me than I wanted them to be. Yet by realizing this, I could really understand ways that I responded, almost reflexively, to certain situations that consistently left me dissatisfied or “fine,” instead of fulfilled.
Having a therapist help with this process can be incredibly helpful as we can often only see things from our own vantage point and we all have blind spots. Having a more broad look at what makes you tick, what gets you excited, what makes you afraid and what sparks your creativity can be incredibly helpful. As a therapist, I love helping people in therapy with me recognize when they light up about a topic, notice when they start tapping their leg uncontrollably and use that knowledge to set an intentional path forward. With a combination of personal reflection and therapy, you can start to imagine the life you want to live from a deeper level.
How Therapy Helps You Set Meaningful Goals
When you start to recognize what you truly need to feel better than “fine,” it can be overwhelming at first. But don’t stop there! Cut through that overwhelm (see an earlier blog post of mine on overwhelm here) with someone you trust (like your local Wakefield therapist!) and see yourself moving forward.
Starting to set goals that feel realistic will energize you, give you hope and also lead you feel agency about getting to where you want to be. When your goals are actually do-able and highly aligned with your values and availability, you will gravitate toward them with a momentum that might surprise you. You weren’t doing anything wrong before, you just didn’t have the right support. With the right support, you can quickly start to get your life more aligned.
Working with a therapist in Wakefield can provide the support and scaffolding you need to clarify your values, desires and needs and help you move forward more efficiently and effectively.
Moving from “Fine” to Thriving
Thriving is possible for you. Feeling deeply fulfilled is within your reach. If you are stuck in the much of feeling “fine,” consider therapy to help you get moving again. You deserve a life with purpose and meaning. While feeling “fine” might feel safe at times, or it might feel like a relief if you are coming out of a really hard time, I encourage you to dare for more for yourself. Honor what you truly hope to feel and if it feels too scary to reach that high alone, partner with a therapist to help it feel more emotionally do-able and more possible.
Whether it is learning to speak up more, learning to protect yourself, learning to push yourself or learning to slow down, therapy can help you find the pace of life that works best for you. By learning to manage anxiety and depression or navigate tricky life transitions without losing yourself, you can move into a more deeply fulfilling and balanced life.
Take the First Step Today
If you are tired of feeling merely “fine” and are ready to thrive, therapy in Wakefield, MA can help you unlock your potential. Whether you’re navigating life transitions, feeling overwhelmed, or seeking greater fulfillment, I’m here to help. Reach out today to schedule a consultation and start creating a life that feels more than just “fine.”Whether in-person or online, I’m here to support you every step of the way!
I offer in-person therapy in Wakefield and online sessions for young adults and adults throughout Massachusetts, Vermont, and Connecticut. Let’s work together to help you feel more energy, momentum and direction in your life.