Why You’re Feeling Disconnected – And How a Therapist in Wakefield, MA Can Help You Reconnect With Yourself and Others
Feeling Disconnected? A Therapist in Wakefield, MA can Help
Feeling Disconnected? You Are Not Alone
It can be easy to go through phases of keeping to yourself and tuning out the world. When this lasts, however, you can end up feeling really disconnected and adrift. When you try to spend time with others, you might find yourself distracted, apathetic or tuned-out. It can feel like you are just going through the motions and other people might even perceive that you have become more aloof or emotionally distant.
There are a lot of reasons that people start to feel disconnected with others. It might be from habitual screen time, video game or social media usage that makes them feel more in touch with characters than with people in real life. They might be experiencing burnout in part of their life that leads them to experience emotional numbness. Many people also experience a sense of disconnection when they go through depressive periods and retract from others.
Therapy in Wakefield can be extremely helpful at identifying what might be contributing to a sense of disconnection and developing a plan to restore connection. Sometimes this means working on existing relationships and other times it is about forming new connections, but always with a goal to get you back to feeling the amount and style of connection that YOU want to feel fulfilled in YOUR life.
What Does Disconnection Actually Look Like?
Disconnection can show up in a variety of ways. Below are some examples of what disconnection can look like:
Emotional: Feeling flat or numb. A pervasive sense of “meh” or “blah.” No longer being interested in activities that you used to enjoy that fostered connection.
Social: Pulling away from friends or family. This could start with not initiating plans and also evolve into not making plans or cancelling plans. You might leave outings early. Even when you are with others, you might give shorter answers about yourself or ask after others less often or in less depth than you might otherwise.
Behavioral: Most activities have come to be done in isolation and perhaps avoidant even of strangers. Things like groceries and errands might be done online more to avoid interpersonal interactions in a store. You might also find ways to distract yourself from aloneness if you are finding the lack of connection distressing. You may engross yourself in movies in an uncharacteristic way or go down internet rabbit holes to pass the time so you aren’t as aware of the lack of connection.
Cognitive: Thinking “this is boring…I’d rather be somewhere else.” After long periods of disconnect, you might find reconnecting intimidating, and think thoughts such as “I don’t know how people do that…I can’t imagine myself going there and talking to those people.”
Sometimes, things might look okay on the outside and it might appear that you are proceeding with your customary routines and activities but you notice the change internally. You might find that you are more drained, more irritated by others, or that you dread time with others in a way that is not typical of you. All of these could be signs that you are experiencing a sense of disconnection.
Why You Might Be Feeling Disconnected
There are a lot of reasons that you may have started to feel disconnected. At some point, you may have inadvertently started to hope with something uncomfortable by withdrawing and isolated and that has led to you feeling disconnected. You might also be dealing with depression, which alone can lead to disconnection or the isolative behaviors that often accompany depression may have amplified the feeling. Also, dealing with anxiety and stress can lead many people to find very overwhelmed and overstimulated so you may have felt like you needed to push others away in order to feel more calm and peaceful, yet now you are suffering the consequences of neglecting those connections. Additionally, grief and caregiving are common experiences that can be very isolating and lead people to feel very alone through those experiences. That loneliness can progress to a general sense of disconnection at times that can be emotionally painful and challenging.
Whatever the reasons that contributed to you feeling disconnected, it is important you be forgiving of yourself for getting to this point. You have been doing the best you can. This certainly isn’t what you intended but it happens for a lot of people. It is particularly easy in our current culture where online interactions are prevalent and relationships feel really different due to technology.
Disconnection Isn’t a Personal Failing — It’s Often a Response to Feeling Overloaded
It is very easy to feel overloaded on a regular basis with modern stressors. Whether it is a demanding job, the endurance race of caregiving, juggling your kids’ needs or an intense travel schedule, there are so many reasons to feel overstimulated. I know when I used to commute on the T, when I would be waiting at Park Street after a long day at work I would feel like I was losing my mind with the added screeching of the trains as they came into the station. It’s easy to have moments where everything simply feels like too much.
It is a natural response to this overstimulation, whether it is sensory, emotional or intellectual, to want to retreat. After all, it is reflexive and adaptive to pull your hand out of a hot flame. Yet when this happens socially, we end up losing connection, so it is a delicate balance.
It is very easy to identify a need for peace and quiet when dealing with something stressful and highly stimulating, but how often do you make a re-entry plan for when you will leave the isolation, peace and quiet? Many people jump back into the overstimulation, so are compelled to shut it out as soon as possible and get in a vicious cycle of bearing through challenges and then disconnecting as a means of surviving the stress. As I said earlier, there is nothing bad or wrong about getting into these cycles, it is your best attempt at managing your circumstances.
If you notice that this way of coping is not serving you well though, you have an opportunity to calibrate. Therapy in particular can be helpful for identifying ways to smooth the transitions between the stimulating and relaxing phases to allow a more gentle flow and less severe isolation when restoring wellness. That can help prevent disconnection from happening and help maintain connection even when it is challenging.
How Therapy Helps You Reconnect With Yourself
Before connecting with others, it is really important to be able to connect with yourself. Do you ever find yourself avoiding thinking about what is ACTUALLY bothering you? Do you avoid letting your mind wander out of fear for where it might go? Are you attuned to physical sensations in your body like hunger/fullness or have you tuned out to those sensations for any reason?
Using therapy as a guide to help you reconnect with yourself can help you become more self-aware. With that awareness, you can start to meet your needs better. Once you are able to get a more refined sense of your needs, then it is easy to see a path forward to build external connections.
I have had people use therapy with me to tune in to their alertness and fatigue more easily, allowing them to improve their sleep and wakefulness during that day. With that energy more balanced, they were able to see where they had energy available to connect with others. Previously, that energy was lost in a mix of insomnia and caffeine consumption which led to inattention and prolonged work to manage responsibilities.
In other situations, I have had people recognize when they need alone time and find it more authentically. That means less scrolling on their phone to avoid uncomfortable feelings and more time spent walking, in nature or simply in silence. Since it usually turns out that not as much time is needed for this genuine alone time, there was more time available for calling or texting loved ones and feeling more present for the communications, enhancing connection.
Therapy can generally offer an opportunity to slow down and really envision how you want your life to be and work toward getting there, one step at a time
What Reconnection Can Look Like (And Feel Like)
Reconnecting with yourself can feel energizing and there is usually a sense of greater clarity that emerges. This can be clarity on your goals, your preferences or simply what matters most to you. Once you have that connection with yourself, it is easier to bring it into connections with others and with your surroundings as a whole. You are likely to be more emotionally available to others and better attuned to those around you, as well as with your physical surroundings. That leads to more satisfying experiences overall.
A very small but meaningful experience I had personally was recognizing a couple years ago that when I went for a walk in the morning, I had started to use the time to listen to podcasts which was enjoyable because I find it hard to find time to listen otherwise. Yet I noticed that I wasn’t as satisfied from my walks. When I realized they weren’t as refreshing as they used to be, I decided to ditch the podcasts, but then I felt irritated that I couldn’t use the time to learn or laugh the way I had come to enjoy. Ultimately, I settled on starting a lot of my walks in silence for a few minutes, simply getting to tune in to the natural sounds around me. Then, I turn on my podcast and enjoy it a bit more. If the timing is right, then I will also spend the last few minutes taking my headphones off and tuning in to my environment again. This greater connection with my surroundings allowed me to start returning to the house much more peacefully. Since I return to a house with two energetic kids, it really helped me feel more present and excited to see them, rather than overstimulated from the podcast input and lack of connection with nature. Do I do that on every walk? No, and certainly not on trash day when I am eager to tune out the obnoxious grating sound of the trash trucks, but I know now that playing around with how I use the auditory input on my walks can make a small but meaningful difference in what I gain from the walk emotionally.
Why a Therapist in Wakefield Might Be the Support You Need Right Now
Working with a local therapist who understands the general environment in which you are living, with the nuance of the pace and pressures of life in the area can be really helpful. Therapy can really help you feel more attuned to your needs for connection and determine a plan to get you where you want to be.
If you’re feeling disconnected, therapy in Wakefield might be the space you need to reconnect — with yourself, your relationships, and what matters most.
As a therapist in Wakefield, I work with young adults and adults who are ready to feel more present, fulfilled, and connected with what matters most to them. Whether you are feeling emotionally stuck, overwhelmed, or just unsure of where to begin, you don't have to figure it out alone.
I offer in-person sessions in Wakefield, MA and online therapy across Massachusetts, Vermont, and Connecticut. Reach out today for a free consultation — let’s see what support can look like for you.